I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
