I just cut my nipple shaving
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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