wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
