Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
