Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
