Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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