Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
