what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
