He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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