He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
