she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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