omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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