I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
