Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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