either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
