ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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