you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
