Non-Jews are for practice
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
