i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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