I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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