Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
