okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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