They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
