you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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