thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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