I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
