took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
