in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
