I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
