i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
