So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
did i walk over a car last night?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
