I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
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