I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
