Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
