I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
