i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
