I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
