she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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