At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
