Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
