girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
