dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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