if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This is classic penis vs brain.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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