dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
