so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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