I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize