The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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