Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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