omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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