I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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