he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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