He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
