so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
