I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
