Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The air was thick with penises
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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