last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
