Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Even my vagina gasped.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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