about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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