I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize