k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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