sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize