im drinking this country out of the recession.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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