Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
