All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He better not be in your backpack
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
