I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
