I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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