Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize