so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
