It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
