someone threw a dead crab at me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
