Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
